So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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