As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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