alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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