I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I will be naked everywhere
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
