so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i dont even know how to be here
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
