dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
