the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
