I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
