I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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