My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
