My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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