girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
