were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
