So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
