I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
