My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
