she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
