I met the friendliest cop last night
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
