So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
