saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
