On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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