I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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