...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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