you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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