we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
