I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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