plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
