can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
