My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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