K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
