I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
