My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
