Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
