I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's shark week go big or go home
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
