How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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