He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize