I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You ate ashes out of my bong
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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