wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
