Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
