the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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