i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
