Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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