i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
