Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
