I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
