So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
