please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
