I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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