He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
