I wish I could punch you in the face.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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