we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
the raccoons are back...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
