My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize