Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
