people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
