Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
