my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i've created a new STD.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
