We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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