SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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