Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
