ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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