So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
