I feel great
I just peed on a car
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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