it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Randomize
