don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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