If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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